Childless Mothers Day

7 Mar

There is no escaping the fact that this Sunday in Mothers Day here in the UK. Walk along any High Street or through any shopping centre and you’ll see the displays to remind you. Of course I’ve sent my Mum a card, and organised the card from my husband to his Mum, but it would be nice not to be reminded that this is yet another Mothers Day without a little one in the next room.

We’re not one of those couples who has had to deal with years of not getting pregnant, and not knowing why, miscarriages and failed IVF. I’ve known for a long time that biological children were never really on the cards for me. But every time Mothers Day comes along, it’s ever so slightly bitter sweet.

Before getting married it wasn’t so bad, no one ever commented on my childless state. After marriage it’s a whole different minefield. Thankfully a majority of our family not only knows the situation for us but are extremely tactful. Some, not so much! Not specifically around Mothers Day, but mother/parenthood in general.

Some of my favourites include; 

You know when you’ve adopted you’ll just fall pregnant?

Nope, sorry, not going to happen. I sometimes wonder if people think that when a couple start to go through adoption they stop being intimate with each other. But when the little one arrives they start again and bada bing there’s a cupcake in the oven. Think about the friends and family you know who’ve had kids, naturally or otherwise. How many of them do you think have more sex after kids?

When you’re a mum you’ll understand.

Ouch! Thanks for that. I know this comment wasn’t directed at me in a negative way but it still pokes at a raw nerve. It’s not as if I think a child is like a tamagotchi. I’m fully aware of how to look after a child. I have godchildren, nieces and nephews who I look after. Just because I’m not their mum doesn’t mean I don’t know how to mother them. I have in-fact perfected the ‘mummy’ voice, as my 5 year old nephew will testify to.

Why don’t/can’t you have kids, if you don’t mind me asking?

See the thing is I don’t mind explaining why we are choosing adoption, the medical reasons etc. But there is such thing as a time and a place. If you know someone who is going through infertility issues or adoption and you’re curious, find a private moment to ask this question. I, like most women, don’t want to air my laundry (clean or otherwise) at work or in any public place. If you really want to less the glamorous reasons you are welcome for a coffee and cake at my house.

Said after commenting about feeling sick in the morning – Oh, are you pregnant?

Nope I’m not. I was just feeling sick. I didn’t realise that feeling crappy in the morning was the preserve of pregnant women and students.

 

The final one is my favourite even though it’s only been said once.

Who is the issue, you or your husband?

The person who asked this was nearly told I married a woman so that was the issue. But I reeled in my sarcastic side to say it was me, but as some of my husbands family had been adopted it was more natural for us and our family. This was a person I had known when I was younger but hadn’t spoken to for a long time. This conversation reminded why that was so. Sometimes Facebook is a pain in the rear!

I’m sincerely hoping that by the time Mothers Day comes around next year I will be writing about how my little one has brought me a card and flowers, and that hubby had to get up so I could have a lay in.

 

Then Mothers Day will be a good day…

One Response to “Childless Mothers Day”

  1. Krys March 11, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

    Wow, some people just don’t think.

    I hope you have everything you want this time next year Jes. You deserve it, more than most.

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